


Heartbreak Is Infinite

by chocomakesanentrance



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Well - Freeform, also he had an earth boyfriend, ignore that lmao, lotor is done, this is at the end of s4 btw, wow i just realized it's kinda impossible to have a half altean, yeah basically he's all depressed and then
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 21:56:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14270382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocomakesanentrance/pseuds/chocomakesanentrance
Summary: Prince Lotor drifted through space in his pod, his eyes closed. He had saved the red paladin- for reasons that were still unclear to him, and was planning on messaging Voltron, but he couldn't.He had always been a survivor, but for once, he just didn't have the strength.





	Heartbreak Is Infinite

Prince Lotor laid back in his pod, not yet ready to open his eyes and see the destruction around him. He had had enough of destruction. Enough of heartbreak, and loss, and betrayal _._

_Family._

_One of his earliest memories was of standing in front of his parents. Not arguing or pleading for once, but smiling as he held up his creation. A science experiment. It was nothing, just...well, he could barely remember, now. What he did remember was that elated feeling when he saw his mother and father's faces shine with pride._

_That was the only thing that kept him going during the first few, hard years, when he had no one. The hope that someday they would make those expressions again, when he brought glory to the Galra empire. They had exiled him, but he was determined to prove to them that he had been right, and that he would be forgiven for what they claimed were mistakes. And he made a vow that he would never love again._

_He started by killing off what they called "dirty half-breeds." Galra who were not quite pure Galra, what they hated the most- not even knowing that he was one of them. He did that for, what, three years?_

And then he met Elliott.

A tear rolled down his cheek. How long had it been since he had last cried?

_Love._

_Elliott wasn't one of the half-Galra, but he was even worse in the eyes of their empire. He was fifty percent Altean, fifty percent human, and one hundred percent perfect._

_Lotor had met him on a mission to Earth- to spy on & destroy his mother, one of the few Alteans left. That was his intention, at least. It didn't go as planned._

_He pretended to be a new student at Elliott's high school so he could get close to the family. The first day of school, a boy with blue eyes, curly dark hair, and brown skin with glowing freckles walked in and sat down next to him. The minute he smiled at Lotor, his heart melted._

_Maybe it wouldn't hurt to make one exception to his vow._

_And then he saw his last name._

_He tried to distance himself as much as he could, afraid of falling in love, but finally he couldn't avoid it anymore, and set themselves up as partners for a project. He went to Elliott's house, met his mother (who was quite nice), had dinner..._

_And, well, neither of them could help themselves. 'It's for the sake of the mission,' he kept telling himself as he kissed those beautiful lips over and over. 'I'm not really feeling this. I don't really love him.'_

Lotor laughed sharply. What a lie that had been. He couldn't bring himself to betray the boy, and the mission ended a failure- even more so because his own father had found the family too.

_He had begged him, doing anything he could to save his love, but he was merely reprimanded and banished again, when he was so, so close to regaining his position._

_It would've been worth it, though. Anything for that perfect boy. Except that the army had then obliterated the house._

_Lotor had sobbed for hours, holding Elliott's broken body in his arms._

That was enough to ruin him, and he wasn't heard from in years- until he was summoned to lead the empire. Surprised and confused, he had accepted- in the heat of the moment, only thinking about those proud faces of his parents. Not the beautiful one of Elliott's. He probably would have regretted his choice and run if it weren't for the generals.

_Friendship._

_They were comrades in a war, but it was so much more than that. Four half-Galra, which Haggar disapproved of, but did he care? No. He loved them, though it was hard to admit, and would be just as devastated if he lost them as he was about Elliott. There were unseen hours of laughter and joy along with the hours of fighting and toughness. Ezor, Acxa, Zethrid, Narti._

He could feel their names on his tongue, the last one leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.  _Narti_.

_She_ had  _betrayed him, but should he really have done that? It still haunted him. Not only did he lose that one friend after her betrayal, he lost the rest. Because of an awful decision. Because of his own faults._

He was broken and terrified without them, but still he went on. He had to- he didn't know what else to do. He had always been a survivor, a fighter. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Yeah. He wasn't so sure about that anymore.

He moved his thumb to broadcast a message to the paladins of Voltron, but he lost the energy. It was useless. They would be better off without him- just as everyone else he had ever known and loved would have been.

Lotor usually made cold, calculated verdicts- he always had, and he thought he always would. He was just that type of person. But those choices were made by his head. And what was ripped, torn into the tiniest of pieces, smashed on the ground? That was his heart.

With a final effort, he reached up to his oxygen tank and cut off the supply. And with that, he continued drifting.

He had been ruined many times, and with a grim smile, he ruined his own self- but at least it would be the last time he could ever hurt. Because without fading into darkness...heartbreak was infinite.

**Author's Note:**

> oof first ao3 fic and it's angsty lotor??  
> disappointed but not surprised
> 
> anyway hope you enjoyed i will be posting much more on here cause i love writing and uh yeah  
> hopefully they won't all be this depressing!!


End file.
